June 28th

Choosing baby names is serious and complicated shit.  It's so serious this is the second post I've made about it (and probably only the second of many).  I've been reading many books and articles about choosing the right name and there is so much to consider:

Kids with common names perform better in school

If the child will have a short, one syllable last name you should choose a multi-syllabicate first name so it flows better

Consider potential nicknames that might spring from your name choice (Richard will almost assuredly be called Dick which will confuse everyone as to whether it is being used as his name or an adjective).

Make sure the child's initials won't spell anything unfortunate like ASS, DIK, FAG or GAY

Picking a name that won't get your child beaten up at recess (do they even have recess anymore?)

Not picking a name that will result in any unfortunate rhymes when singing The Name Game ( Chuck, Chuck, bo-buck.  Banana-fana, fo ...)

Don't pick a name that will take you fifteen minutes to say when you reach "Full Name Anger" (Willamina Guinevere Rodriguez-Christenson, you stop that RIGHT NOW!)

It's all very stressful when you consider you're branding your child before they can speak for themselves.  You can tell them "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," but if you truly feel the need to saddle your kid with something people need to rip out their tongue to pronounce correctly or sounds like a character out of The Crucible just make sure you don't teach them how to use an AK-47 or point out the local water tower every time you drive by.