May 25th

It's amazing how much your thinking and self-image changes once a baby is on the way.  I'm a male and therefore do some seriously stupid shit from time to time.  Before I'd simply think "whoops, that was dumb" and move on my merry way.  Now images of a living, breathing amalgamation of my DNA come to mind and I think "what if my son or daughter saw that?"  "Whoops" has become "oh damn, that's bad."  Where before I could see myself enjoying a drink (or three) and having a blast making an idiot of myself now I see myself sober, upright and telling the kid to "knock it off" (whatever "it" was I apparently don't like it).  Is it maturity?  I don't know.  I personally think maturity is just a fancy word to describe putting life experience to good use.  Right now I only know I'm not the same Mark I was six weeks ago.  Clearly Susana's body isn't the only thing changing in preparation for the baby.

May 24th

So much information is available now it's amazing to me that "accidents" can happen.  However, I do admit this is nothing like the sex ed class I took in fifth grade.  Turns out they only covered the basics, i.e., how you get pregnant.  If they actually taught girls all the food they'd have to give up, what will happen to their bodies and showed them early pictures of what the alien, I mean baby, will look like the first few months they'd run screaming every time a boy smiles at them.

May 23rd

Had a bit of a scare today. Thankfully everything turned out okay. 11 days until the ultrasound. I think I'll feel much better then.

May 21st

Baby names.  So, when exactly should you start thinking about baby names?  I know some women have their baby names picked out before their second birthday -- "Ga ga.  Jasmine.  Goo goo." -- but Susana is not such a person.  Now, I'd always said I liked the names William Christopher and Ashley or Kimberly Marie.  I've discovered I'm more flexible on those than in the past.  Why?  Well, because the bitch (a.k.a. the ex) and I settled on Kimberly Marie because I concluded having a cat and a child named Ashley would be quite confusing to the child especially in regards to having a bowl with the name Ashley emblazoned on the side and filled with cat food.  and as a semi-nod to her dad Kim I suggested Kimberly.  As for William, now everyone assumes you're naming the boy after England's Prince William and then there is the whole nickname thing with people calling him Will, Willie, Bill and Billy for short leaving me open to assault and battery charges.  No, my "ideal" names are no longer ideal and I've come to terms with that.  It does, however, leave open the fact Susana never really picked names before (meaning no ideal names) and I've thrown my out the window meaning we gots nuthin'.  Since it is true everyone will start suggesting names to us I have already begun practicing my "That's a great name" smile and nod while making a mental note to never talk to the person again.  We've downloaded a baby names app (yes, there's an app for that), the unoriginally named Baby Names app.  Smartly, the makers of Baby Names chose to have a free and "premium" app.  The difference: the free app only lists every name known to man while the "premium" app also gives you the cultural origin, its meaning and the most recent time it made it on the top 100 baby names even if that was back in 1972.  It also lets you save your favorites which is a good idea since Susana has momnesia and I forget at least once a week that we're supposed to feed the cats twice a day.  I will not mention the names we've saved so we don't start getting unrequested opinions and advice (sorry, but it's our property, I mean child, and we're going to pick the names without outside interference).  The only thing we've really decided is Luke and Leia are out.  Unfortunately.

May 19th

Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.  Walking is supposedly the best exercise for a pregnant woman.  Not only does it help increase endurance and strengthen core muscles it also has the added benefit of keeping someone regular.  That's a big plus to most pregnant women and Susana is no different.  Also, it's the easiest exercise to do which is a huge attraction to me for because A: I'm lazy; and B: ... okay, there is no B.  This is, however, Florida and it is, unfortunately, Summer which means we will probably only be able to keep this up for two to four more weeks maximum before Ra (the Sun God in case you haven't met him; nice guy, hot tempered) takes over the states weather pattern.  Then it's to the gym we go.  I miss walking already.

Today we saw Susana's first craving.  Six weeks in at this point makes the timing of this both normal and expected.  Her craving went thus: "A sandwich.  A hot sandwich.  With meat."  The baby biology translation is more direct: "Carbs.  Hot carbs.  With protein."  Since pregnant women need exponentially increased amounts of protein and carbs this made perfect sense.  After a quick jaunt up to Subway for my first ever craving run Susana had the Philly Cheesesteak and I went for the Meatball Marinara.

We've named the fetus.  No, not a real name.  That's for the baby.  We've decided to call it Our Little Parasite.  Some might be offended by that, but oh well.  Look up the definition of a parasite.  It fits.  What makes it not insulting is it's OUR parasite.  Gotta problem with that?  Huh?  Wanna take this outside??  Yeah, I didn't think so ... wimp.

May 17th

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion there is too much pregnancy information on the Internet.  To read some of what I've read makes me want Susana to stay in bed for the next eight months drinking water and eating nothing but lentils scrubbed with vegan soap.  Don't eat this.  Don't drink that.  Don't touch this.  Don't lay on that side.  How did women have babies before the Internet?  I mean, so many bad things are said about various cured meats and sausages I don't understand how European fetuses survive the amazing number of microscopic threats hunting them like lions in the Serengeti.

May 10th

Visited the OB/GYN today.  Susana has such a great doctor.  He's amazing.  Great bedside manner, very thorough, answers questions and asks if you have more.  Information wise we really didn't learn much aside from the fact that yet another urine test (this time by the doctor) indicates Susana is pregnant.  He talked to us about some concerns we had, how long she can travel for work, etc.  It was a long wait, but it was a good visit.  He gave us some prenatal vitamins which she will start taking tomorrow.  Our ages didn't seem to concern his much which was a relief even though his assistant was very doom and gloomish (I wanted to pop her when she said "Well, let's hope everything works out okay" for the fifth time.  By contrast, he was very good-for-you-you-can-do-this which was nice.

Susana promised to watch Sunshine's baby (heretofore know as Asher) last night and invited me along.  It seemed like more of a request and I was more than happy to tag along.  I have to admit I felt a little intimidated.  It's strange feeling that way about something roughly one-tenth my size (if that).  He cried and I thought I'd made him to it which was bizarre since he kept reaching for my fingers and touching my face, but it turned out he's teething and wanted something to gnaw on.  As soon as we gave him a pacifier he started chewing on it and the crying stopped.  He even gummed my finger at one point and was fascinated with my can of Vernon's ginger ale (WARNING: NASTY ASS SHIT! DO NOT DRINK!) due to the shiny green color.

We stopped at B&N before going to Sunshine's and picked up a couple of books.  I grabbed The Expectant Father because it was the only book I saw every recommended list recommend that B&N had yesterday.  I haven't read a lot of it, but I think it will be helpful.  If it's not, it's heavy enough I can use it to hit myself with in the head.

May 9th

We're having a baby.  Wow.  The idea is starting to settle in a little bit more now.  That little bit of denial I felt is fading.  Susana has an appointment tomorrow with her OB/GYN.  I don't know what it's going to be like.  The day started with me realizing my gut is telling me it'll be a boy.  After the usual politically correct posturing of wanting a "healthy baby," we've admitted Susana wants a boy and I want a girl, but we know it doesn't really matter.  Still, for someone who has had actually dreams with daughters in them it was a bit of a surprise to be so convinced it'll be a boy.  Hmmm.

Susana tested again this evening with one of the cheap Dollar Tree store HPTs we picked up (to which I've already noted my prophetic statement at the time that purchasing more than one guaranteed Susana's pregnancy) -- yup, still pregnant.  It was cute how she slinked out of the master bathroom and quietly said "I tested again."  Still a great many thoughts running through my mind.  Then I remember I started school this week and I have a mini "Oh fuck" moment.  For a planner, such as myself, it's very difficult to keep the nearly-uncontrollable urge to plan under control.  Mostly I'm just reading.  A lot.  I now know what it looks like, how big it is, that Susana may have nausea and headaches (whoops, too late) and that I "may be feeling some conflicting and varying emotions" (no shit, Sherlock).  The information is comforting in a strange way.  It makes me feel like I'm being active and supportive while at the same time giving my anal ass something to do for the next nine months so it doesn't distract my school work.  Did I just say "anal ass?"

May 8th

There was a line.  A very pronounced one.  When I saw it I gasped and said "there's a line!" To be honest, it was more like "HOLYSHITTHERESALINE!"  Susana muttered something about a line at the same time, but I couldn't hear her over my own shocked volume.  My hand shot to my mouth and I backed away from the HPT like Superman avoiding Kryptonite.  Wow.  So many jumbled emotions.  How is it possible to feel unbridled joy, fear and paralyzing doubts all at the same time?