It is a proven fact (and by proven fact I mean it's my opinion so stop arguing with me and accept that I'm right), humans take too damn long to cook. I mean, 9-1/2 months? Really? There are life saving medical advancements that didn't take this long to concoct. The Great Wall of China is 5,500 miles long and took 15 years to build. That means in the time it takes to bake a baby they built 290 miles of fuck-you-Mongols wall.
Is there's nothing we can do to make this process go any faster? Spike her orange juice with some Miracle Gro? Drive past a nuclear power plant a few dozen times? Spray a water-peroxide mixture on her leaves (wait, nevermind that wouldn't work)? I need to kick-start this process pronto. I'm not the most patient person in the world.
